Dread?

 Do you ever just sit and listen to 'in the end' and suddenly a wave of low emotions hits you and it makes you doubt whatever you have or had? You can feel the fire of ambitious thoughts burning inside you, your wings ready to fly but the cage of your apprehensions is way too strong. Your surroundings feel too suffocating and make you obnoxious. You sleep every night watching the moon and counting the stars with the hope and soon you'll be there but the societal conventions are too harsh for someone like you. Maybe you're not made for this or maybe you're not made for anything. Is your presence worth it or just a rolling stone getting kicked by everyone? The sense of oblivion that you fake starts to diminish cuz deep down every word, every action stabs your heart and inside it's just a wounded place with blood-drenched in fear and anxiety. The fear of being pristine has made you full of scars that bleed with poems you write and hymns you sing. Nothing makes sense anymore, you think it might be the rock bottom but then you reminiscence the night you felt the same way and realize that was not the rock bottom as you've drowned further down, you might still need to suffer more to reach the rock bottom. Then you gather your thoughts and seek for that hidden box of optimism inside you, you fear opening it, you cry, you scream but with all the courage left inside you, you open that box and take a pinch out to help you through the night. You place it in your palm and clench your fist real tight as it might just fly away from you the way everything and everyone does and maybe it'll be just you and your solemn left looking for the rock bottom so you can rest your head and enter the phase of deep slumber that might never end, the phase of true oblivion, free from sadness, happiness, anxiety but just the mellow...