Forever

For a while, I had it all, and then none. It went like the sunset on the peak of a mountain, graciously but fading. I could feel your hand losing my grip but I was so tranquilized by the euphoria of the yellow haze of the sunset that even before I could figure it out, it was all gone and dark. So you know the thing about the mountains that you can see the millions of stars shining above your head, and I couldn't help but wonder that these stars several light-years apart come every night to see their loved ones smile. And at that moment I couldn't figure out whether I was still on the ground or up above in the sky looking for you and crying. I had land beneath my feet but couldn't touch it, my head was knitting thoughts but I couldn't think. Maybe that's when it hit me that you are gone, you are gone forever and in these silent hills, all that's left of you is your fragrance which I could feel sinking deep into my skin. I saw you lying next to me but your warmth was gone. A chill went down my spine shaking, trembling down I fell to the ground. The snow started to seep into my clothes, my arms and legs were getting numb but I couldn't move or maybe I didn't want to move. Do I really need to live in a world where I can't feel your breath on my skin? So tonight I lay down by your side and close my eyes for the very last time. I know the sun will rise tomorrow, this snowstorm will cease but I'll be gone by then. beyond the fact of right and wrong, beyond the places of superficiality, to the place where the sky meets the ocean, with you we'll make love till the forever ends.

Do we really need to do what we are doing?

 Some nights are just longer than usual, cuz some nights you just want to run away to hills with a bag full of Maggi and books. In a life full of making decisions yet ending up with bad ones every time, it's just too much to even breathe normally. Every time you see the clock ticking, your mobile vibrating you just want to throw all that away to a far forgotten place and just lose track of time for a while. And then comes the booze to rescue, you get drunk on your sorrows and live some soulful moments of high. When you're drunk, it's a place of carefree happiness. But soon it ends and again it's just you and your grief-stricken soul. Then again the thought of moving to the hills and living with a dog all alone doesn't seem that pathetic cuz suddenly you realize that what's actually pathetic is thought of struggling with the thought that the things you're working so hard for are not the things that will actually make you happy and serene. Maybe it sounds absurd but then again think for a moment do you really crave that substantial amount of money or you need that money cuz you think that money brings luxury and luxury is the apex of happiness. What if someone burst that happy bubble for you and told you that every materialistic thing you're struggling for or ever struggled with is just not the key to happy and satisfied life?

  

Warmth in The Hour of 3 AM

 And then there are days when you pour yourself a glass of wine, put on Prateek Kuhad's playlist, and get lost in the trance. It's not just 3 am silence anymore. There's something so magical about his songs, they don't always hit you but when they do it's like an ecstatic place. A place where everything is alright and all your worst fears and tensions just disappear. You can just close your eyes and lie down on the bed or cuddle yourself while sitting on the floor and go on for hours listening to his voice, the lyrics as if they're telling you magical tale about your dreams, you connect to the words the way you did when your granny told you those bedtime stories. And then there comes a magical feeling of having butterflies and knots in your stomach at the same time cuz suddenly you realize that no matter how soulful the moment may seem right now, it's beyond far from the reality and this makes your heart ache. Somewhere deep down you crave for those emotions not only the kasoor part but you also wanna experience the cold/mess, you want to sing 100 words for someone.